06/27/08

Leading Off
-The average life span of a Major League baseball is 7 pitches.


Free Throws
NBA
-For the 3rd straight blog, the National Basketball Association takes priority (maybe this should be telling me something). The lasted edition in the Kobe vs. Shaq saga has arrived. While doing some freestyle in a bar, Shaq called out Kobe, asking him how his (synonym for “bum”) tastes. Aside from the obvious choice words and general profane language, I see nothing wrong with what Shaq did. This is just an example of the biggest kid in the world acting like a kid. I found it pretty funny and that’s just what it was, funny. It wasn’t meant to be a serious shot a Kobe, rather just a little nudge to remind him he still hasn’t won a championship without him. On the other hand, Shaq deserved to have his “deputy sheriff” badge taken away. Obviously the Sheriff takes his job seriously and he didn’t think that Shaq’s actions were appropriate. That’s ok with me. Now what we have to wait for is to see if Kobe will respond. Hopefully he sees it as the joke that it is and doesn’t go overboard with his response. Maybe Kobe is working on his “comeback rap” as we speak. “Shaq, tell me how my 81-point game tastes!”

-The Gatorade-stained shirt of Doc Rivers has made a lot of people happy recently. At a local auction, the item sold for approximately $55, 000. The money raised will be donated to the Boston Celtics Shamrock Foundation. This was a great idea by the Celtics. It’s not like Rivers is going to wear a Gatorade-stained shirt around town. If somebody has money floating around to buy a $55 000 shirt, than they should be donating money to charity. Next up for auction, Kevin Garnett’s left sock.

-With the first pick in the 2008 NBA draft, the Chicago Bulls select…Michael Beasley. If you heard those words, then you should have your head examined, because the Bulls in fact selected Derrick Rose from the Memphis Tigers. Rose said that he wants to be the MVP in his first year. Maybe a bit too lofty of a goal, but better to aim too high than too low.

-What a shocker. After Pat Riley said that he wasn’t too high on Michael Beasley, guess who the Heat picked? Michael Beasley! The Heat were obviously trying to build suspense and see if anyone would try and trade for the #2 pick. But, no one did, so the Heat will just have to settle for a player who led the NCAA in points-per-game with 26.2 and averaged 12.4 rebounds-per-game. He averaged a double-double playing 40-minute games!

PGA
-In a day and age where you can buy almost anything on eBay, it should surprise no one that you can buy an apple core there too. But not just any apple core, the apple core that Tiger Woods ate on the 16th hole during his playoff round with Rocco Mediate. This is an apple core that you can own for the low, low price of $700. I just have one question for whoever wins this bidding war that has now reached 53 bids. Are you insane? For one thing, It’s an apple core. Not even an entire apple. You can’t eat it, it is of no value except to gaze at before you go off to bed at night. What if it isn’t even Tiger’s apple? What if some dude on eBay is fleecing you out of what could possibly be $1000. I’m not sure, but I don’t think eBay has a very good return system. Let’s just assume this is the apple that Tiger ate. Here’s the thing. You’re going to have time to show a few people this prized possession, then do you know what’s going to happen? It’s going to get mouldy! Your precious apple is going to shrivel up and die. I have a suggestion to whoever buys this apple. Take a seed and plant a tree. In 10 years, when that tree grows, you can sell those apples on eBay and say, “This is the offspring of the apple Tiger Woods ate on the 16th hole at Torrey Pines, while playing Rocco Mediate in the playoff round.” You can call me crazy, but I’m not the one bidding for an expired fruit!

MLB
-You know it’s been a slow day in baseball when I start talking about maple bats. I was trying to avoid this whole situation, because it was so boring. But since I don’t want to talk about Shawn Chacon, ok maybe I do, Chacon you’re officially mentally unstable. Forrest Gump is a Mensa member compared to you. That’s all that needs to be said. Anyway, back to maple bats. They are extremely dangerous and need to be taken out just as fast as instant replay needs to be put in. Just Google, “problem with maple bats”, go to images, take your first hit and you will see how funny Twins fans are. You will also see the danger of maple bats. These things break faster than offensive linemen doing wind sprints. Besides, making maple bats takes maple trees (surprise, surprise), maple trees make maple syrup, so once you run out of maple trees, what are you going to put on your pancakes?

-Miracles do occur. There was proof of that Wednesday night when Barry Zito won a game. It sounds hard to believe at first, but you’re going to have to trust me on this one (or go to mlb.com and see for yourself). Barry Zito lowered his ERA to the almost unbelievable level of 5.91. Despite Zito’s heroic efforts, the San Francisco Giants still find themselves 6 games back in the easiest division in baseball. The Giants need Barry’s help, but his last name isn’t Zito!

ATP
-HA! HA! HA! That’s all I could think of when I heard that Novak Djokovic lost his 2nd round Wimbledon match to Marat Safin. I told you Novak, you don’t call out former Wimbledon winners until YOU win Wimbledon. Now you’re going to be known as that guy who shot off his mouth, but couldn’t back it up. Good luck explaining your early exit to the media.

-Noooooooooo! That’s all I could think of when I heard that Maria Sharapova lost her 2nd round Wimbledon match to Alla Kudryavtseva, who has unnecessarily extended this blog just from the use of her name. Any future reference of her name will be posted as AK.

-This is going to be the worst Wimbledon ever. #1 ranked Ana Ivanovic lost to #133 ranked Jie Zheng in her 3rd round match. Oh well at least I can still watch Andy Roddick. Wait, he’s out too!

WNBA
-So Candace Parker dunks twice in consecutive games and now she’s an American hero? Here’s the thing. Candace Parker is an amazing athlete. She’s the most dominant player in the WNBA. But, she’s also 6-4! If I was 6-4, I’d be throwing it down with the best of them. To say that it’s an amazing dunk just because she can reach up and touch the rim is absurd. It’s great publicity for the WNBA and publicity that they definitely deserve, but until I see a tomahawk from her, she’s just another gifted athlete.

NCAA
-The Fresno State Bulldogs won the 2008 College World Series, but it’s not the Cinderella story that you’ve been sold. I’m sure you’ve all heard this by now, because I get my info the slow way, but Fresno State actually won 2 more games during the regular season than Georgia. However, for some odd reason, that I can’t fully explain, Georgia was the 8th ranked seed in the nation and Fresno was only the 4th ranked seed in their region. Until somebody tells me that Fresno was ranked 7th or higher, I’ll continue to call this an upset. If you want to know who I was cheering for, it was the Bulldogs.

UEFA
-Hmm, who was that guy who correctly picked both of the teams who would appear in the Euro 2008 final? Oh right, that was me. I may have been off slightly with the scores and I may have picked the winners for the wrong reasons, but none of that is important as long as I guessed correctly. My pick for the final? Spain! It has to be Spain. They proved how much depth they have when they beat Russia 3-0, with all of the goals scored in the second half. None of those scorers were named David Villa either. Goals were scored by Xavi Hernández, David Silva and Daniel Güiza. Also Spain has only given up 3 goals in the tournament. Germany? 6. My prediction, Spain 2-0 Germany.

CFL
-Woo hoo! Down south they have to wait until August for the pigskins to start flying, but in Canada we get our football fix in June. Calgary took down the Lions 28-10. Burris passed for 274 yards. The Calgary defense got to the QB 3 times behind the line of scrimmage. Javier Glatt led the game with 8 tackles. Montreal (go Al’s) beat down the Hamilton Tiger-Cats 33-10. Tre Smith rushed for 73 yards, due in large part to his 75-yard touchdown run. Markeith Knowlton leads the league in tackles with 14. Anthony Calvillo moved up past Danny McManus on the all-time passing yards list. No picks in either game. If you don’t like the CFL just remember, we have bigger balls!


7th Inning Stretch
If you’ve made it this far, you read WAY too much…


Buzzer Beater
The buzzer beater award for June 27th is…Jie Zheng. I’m not at all happy about this. Sharapova and Ivanovic both out. Some dude named Novak lost too, but that’s unimportant. Ivanovic, you’re the #1 seed, how could you do this. Do you realize how much ratings will go down if you or Sharapova are not in the final. This is not at all good for women’s tennis. Marat Safin and AK made it close, but Zheng took down the top seed, so I reluctantly give her this award.

Tiger Woods - 1
Kevin Youkilis - 1
Jie Zheng - 1

Next edition coming Sunday, June 29th. Until then, have a good Wimbledon.